I've finally come to terms with the fact that I should never really be in a relationship. And I will NEVER EVER get married again.,.,...EVER. I suck at it and don't want the pressure, or the hassle. I'm much better alone, or just with the occasional friend or 2.
DH are splitting, and as hard as it is, the hard ass in me has walled it all up inside. I've built that fortress and nothing will get through. I've put those feelings away in a box on a shelf in a dark place, and maybe one day I'll drag them out to look at them. For now, its all business. I'm not ready to deal with them yet.
And during all of this, I'm finding I'm being judged on my actions. People whom I thought would stand by me, aren't. Well, they were until I explained my situation and now they've left me hanging. *sigh* Just because I don't do things according to their views or values, or because I seem so 'rebelious' in the way I deal with things, doesn't make me any less of a person. Doesn't mean I'm going to hell (personally don't think it even exists, but thats another rant), and certainly doesn't make me less of a friend. But hey, in a personal crisis is when you find out who your friends are, and boy am I surprised. But hey, if thats the game they want to play, so be it. I don't need that type of "friendship". Fuck that.
