I've finally come to terms with the fact that I should never really be in a relationship. And I will NEVER EVER get married again.,.,...EVER. I suck at it and don't want the pressure, or the hassle. I'm much better alone, or just with the occasional friend or 2.
DH are splitting, and as hard as it is, the hard ass in me has walled it all up inside. I've built that fortress and nothing will get through. I've put those feelings away in a box on a shelf in a dark place, and maybe one day I'll drag them out to look at them. For now, its all business. I'm not ready to deal with them yet.
And during all of this, I'm finding I'm being judged on my actions. People whom I thought would stand by me, aren't. Well, they were until I explained my situation and now they've left me hanging. *sigh* Just because I don't do things according to their views or values, or because I seem so 'rebelious' in the way I deal with things, doesn't make me any less of a person. Doesn't mean I'm going to hell (personally don't think it even exists, but thats another rant), and certainly doesn't make me less of a friend. But hey, in a personal crisis is when you find out who your friends are, and boy am I surprised. But hey, if thats the game they want to play, so be it. I don't need that type of "friendship". Fuck that.
7 comments:
I ain't going anywhere!
*mwah*
{{{{hugs}}}}
Why do people judge. We all have problems, and people do things that I don't are right, but I keep my big fat mouth shut. Everyone's life is their own. Dump the so called friends who always pull you down and get own with your life.
I'm really enjoying reading your blog and all your postings. I'm going through a similar situation with my DH and I'm relating to a lot of what you have to say. Keep your head up. :)
Jayne, you better not go anywhere!!! LOL
I'm the same Tracey, I try to keep my mouth shut. Everyone has their way of doing things and each person should be left to live their life according to their beliefs and situations.
Jess, glad you are enjoying the blog, and I know I don't post as much as I should, but I hope it helps you to know that you aren't alone. Let me now if there is anything I can do to help, if nothing else I can be a sounding board. Hang in there girl, and never forget who you are. There comes a time for self preservation....
I've forgotten who I was a while back, and I think that that's one of the reasons why him leaving me yesterday was such a shock. I used to be so independent and now all I want to do is sit at his feet and beg for forgiveness. I'm a mess. And it really does help to know that I'm not alone. I just really feel like I lost a part of my whole being yesterday.
Jess, email me anytime..... bigdoglover03@gmail.com
Interesting!
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