Life sure is fickle. One minute you think things might be looking up, then the next minute you have no idea whats going on.

The guy up the road that trains dogs called me last week, telling me he was still sick, and was also swamped with dogs because the economy here had set everyone back. That tells me he's not hiring.

Hubby has been looking for other jobs, and found one in Alaska, to which he applied for. I doubt we'll get it. If he is hired, the location is at the very top of the state, a town called Wainright.

I'm also working on getting a new tattoo. Today I'll be going to Taos to try and get an appointment to get it started. It will be a vine, winding up my leg. I want the roots on top of my foot, wrappping down down towards the ground....symbolizing being grounded to Mother Earth. Hubby, in the last 2 months, has got 2 full tatts and an addition to one of them.

Beyond all of that, I don't think there is really much to discuss, so I'll leave it alone!

Potential?

A few nights ago, DH and I were casually watching TV and surfing the 'net, when DH looks at me ands says "Did you know there is a K-9 training facility just up the road?" and he gives me the website of the facility. trains Slovakian GSD's, for everything it seems. Personal protection, Explosive/Narcotic detection, and much more. At first all I could think was, how did I miss this? So, I sent the owner a message, explaining my 8 years of EDD(Explosive Detector Dog) experience and letting him know I'd like to get back into the field. So last night he called me, and despite the shitty connection, we were able to discuss a few things. He seemed like he was interested in my EDD experience, and will call today to set up a meeting. I just hope he understands that I don't work for free. I'm not sure even IF he'll hire me, and I'm also not sure that if he does what his pay rate would be. Anything at $10 or less per hour is out of the question. If I'm going to be TRAINING his dogs, I'm looking at $15+. But we'll see what happens.

In other news, Old Man Winter has, I believe, officially moved in. The temps have been below freezing for several days, and the surrounding mountains are getting snow. DH left last night to head south for the dairy to deliver more hay. We find it works better if he leaves the evening before, then he is able to deliver first thing in the morning. But yesterday evening he actually encountered snow, snowplows, and salt trucks. I think if he'd have waited until later in the evening, or even today, I think he'd have had a rough go of it. But I believe that by the time he starts his journey back (6 hours one way) that the snow will have melted off the roads.

A few days ago I rode along to deliver hay to a different location. A farm outside of Springer, NM. The woman that owned it (with her husband) was there and she was really cool. She shared most all of the same hobbies/interests that I did,(only she has the money to support said hobbies)so we had a nice time chatting. She gave me a tour of her greenhouse. WOW. She had a really, really nice one, with heat sensors to auto vent the house, a heated floor, and wonderfully terraced benches for all her plants. It was dug into the ground, so the bottom half was well insulated. It also had a root cellar of sorts dug further into the small hill, where she could store her veggies. Slate floors, and even using slated sandstone that made the walls to her terraced raised beds. Soaker hoses ran throughout her raised beds as well. She uses organic potting soil, simply because she doesn't have the animals to provide the manure to make her own soil/compost. She then gave me the most wonderfully tasting pumpkin muffin, baked from pumpkins she'd grown herself. Again, WOW. soooo yummy! Yesterday DH delivered another load to her, and was treated to a slice of pumpkin pie, of which he raved about for what seemed to be eternity! LOL I just wished I lived closer to her, (she is 3 hours away) so that we could share ideas and our hobbies. Yes, I like living in the boonies, and so does she, but we both agreed that having someone with a common interest close by would be nice. Oh well. Maybe one day it will work in my favor.

So, there is much going on, but nothing going on, all at the same time.

WOW!

That term applies to a couple of things.....

One is that I'm able to type this today. In days past I haven't been able to get on Blogger due to my connection. But today the internet gods have granted me permission to type.

The second is that I saw the movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. WOW!

So, now that I can type...what to discuss??? Well, I managed to get pretty much everything unpacked. Everything that needed to be anyway. The rest got hauled upstairs to the "attic converted to 2 bedrooms now storage area". One room has things we either don't need or will use later, the other has empty boxes. Not knowing what will happen in the coming months, I want to save all the boxes. They were hard to come by, and I'll be damned if I'm going to burn them all. I saved the newspaper too!!

Things around here are pretty mundane. DH pumped out all the sprinklers, the equipment is winterized and put away, and all he's been doing is hauling hay. Thats fine, gives me time here alone to get shit done. He just gets in my way most of the time.

Next week, sometime, his folks are coming to Colorado to visit. They won't be here at the farm long, maybe an afternoon, but they have relatives up north in Denver that they're staying with. I'm hoping the predicted snow storm will keep them up there. I don't need them down here rediculing every thing. His mom hates the dog, and her sole purpose is to nose around so she can talk about it to everyone back in Illinois. Drives me crazy.

In other news, yesterday was Thanksgiving, and DH took me to Taos, NM for lunch and a movie. I have seen all of the Harry Potter movies, and this one was by far the best. I cried! There was so much unsaid emotion, it really was a great movie. It was 2 1/2 hours of great dialog and effects. It went so fast that I didn't even realize that it was over until the credits started rolling. I highly recommend this movie!!

I've also come to a sort of odd decision. I had thought that when Ben passes that we would get something only slightly smaller, like a GSD, but these last few weeks has had me thinking something even smaller. I didn't like the JRT we had, but he also had a lot of competition. I was alos thinking maybe a miniature Schnauzer, but I don't want to do haircuts, lol. So today I'll be looking through my breed encyclopedia and getting an idea of what would we best for us.

Not sure if I mentioned the cats in my last entry. Either way, I now have 3 of them on my enclosed back porch. Two kittens and mama cat. The mom is friendly enough, although I don't think she'll ever accept the fact that Ben will leave her alone, so she gets all pissy when he walks by to go outside. There is one kitten, Tangerine, who is the friendliest. I've brought her inside to sit with me on a couple of ocasions. Her sister, Trouble, is just too flighty to mess with. She wants nothing to do with anyone. On a rare day I can manage to snatch her up to pet her, but its certainly not often enough. I brought them in simply because I don't think the kittens would survive the temps over the winter. Hell, its 4* below 0F today!

Anyway, thats all I have for today.....maybe tomorrow I'll be able to do this again!

LONG time!!

Ok where do I start? My last post in August was about my dog, so I guess I should update from then...

Well, we've moved. DH was scanning the internet one day while sitting at a truck stop and stumbled upon a farm job in Colorado. It advertised a 3,200 acre hay farm, house provided, utilities paid, plus a small salary. So, he called the owner and chatted for a bit, called me and we chatted for a bit, and the next thing we knew, 2 days later we were on our way to a farm 1,000 miles away! How crazy is that??? We initially said, "Ok, we're going for 30 days, and if we don't like it, we're back to Illinois." We thought, what have we got to lose? Well, that was 60 days ago! LOL Ok, so its not the best job, simply because our boss and his wife are quite possibly the worst managers ever. However, there MIGHT be some good news about it all.....more about that later.

So, what does this job entail? Well, 22 hay circles growing alfalfa, with center pivot irrigation. It is cut 3 times each year, and I've managed to learn to run almost all of the equipment. I can run the swather, the rake, and to drive the semi as well as the loader. I've also learned how to get completely covered in mud and clippings while using the power washer to clean the swathers, as well as back up the rake that is on a 3 point hitch.....this is harder than backing with a normal ball hitch. This job, during cutting season, can encompass up to 30 days of work, with no day off, and days lasting 16 hours at a stretch. Its long, and boring, and back breaking all at once. In between cutting times, its checking sprinklers morning and evening, maintaining the grounds and doing any equipment maintenance. In the winter, DH will haul hay via semi truck to the main farm in Las Vegas, Nevada.

So, what is the POSSIBLE good news? Well, let me start by saying that the DH has been hauling hay to a dairy farm. The guy that owns this farm owns the 2 largest farms in New Mexico. He has some serious $$$. So he was talking to DH about purchasing the farm in Colorado. Yes, its for sale. Anyway, he voiced the fact that he would only seriously consider purchasing it if DH and I came with the farm. If we quit, all deals are off. Now, he talked extensively with DH about what it needed, how things were done there, and what DH was getting as far as salary. DH was honest, told him all of the pros and cons....like the fact there are NO tools whatsoever, the fact that our farm truck is on its last leg, and that the house that was provided is not what it should be. So, the dairy farmer promised that if he were to purchase this farm, that everything would be taken care of. He promised that no matter what we needed (tools, trucks, tractors, etc) would be purchased, we would be able to do some serious home improvement, and our salary would increase exponentially. We would also get 2 weeks of paid vacation each year, and a Christmas bonus. None of which we get now.

Ok, currently, we had to come back to Illinois to pack up our house and to go to my stepson's Army boot camp graduation. So, we got him graduated and are now overwhelmed with packing up a 2,500 square foot house. We have been working on it for about 2 days, and have 2 days left.....I just hope we can get it done.

As a side note, if the dairy guy decides not to buy it, well, we'll be looking for another job.

On a lighter note

Seems I only blog when I'm pissed off about things. Today I'd like to share some thoughts about my Mastiff, Ben.

Ben is and English Mastiff. Now, this breed isn't like other breeds. So lets discuss that aspect first. Every breed was originally bred for a purpose. Standard poodles, although cute and extremely smart, were originally bred and used as a retriever, just like the Lab. German Shepherd Dogs were used by ancient sheep herders to do just that, herd and guard the flock. They were later used as police dogs, but their origin was a herding breed. Smaller breeds, like the Shi Tzu were bred specifically for the laps of Japanese Emperors. So it goes without saying that the Mastiff had a specific job. Guarding.

Now, they weren't bred for their loud bark. Nor for their agility. They were bred for stealth and intimidation. Used as ancient war dogs, they donned spiked collars and armor in medieval times and went to war with their masters. Later, they were used to guard the castles from intruders. So you might ask, how did they do this? A 200+ pound dog who doesn't bark? Let me explain.....

These dogs, originally (before us "modern" humans screwed them up) were independent thinkers and fiercely loyal. They would sit outside the castle watching silently. They weren't pacing the fence, or whining with excitement. The sat calmly, quietly, watching. These dogs are stealthy, silent and can squeeze and slink through seemingly impossible areas. They watched, and when an intruder would dare set foot on the property, the dog would go. Not a loud, crashing through the timber run. Not a barking, growling frenzy. No, a fast, quiet run of surprise. Leaping into the air, they would hit the intruder full force....200 pounds of mass hitting you at a dead run would knock down even the largest of men. Sporting the spiked collar, and too much skin to get a hold of, they were a force to be reckoned with. The bad guy on the ground, the dog would, by his sheer weight alone, keep him pinned until his master or guard arrived. Typically they wouldn't need to bark, as the screams of the intruder would suffice. No biting, no thrashing, just knock 'em down and hold 'em.

Ok, why, you ask, am I telling you this??? Because my boy Ben let his ancient blood show yesterday.....twice.

Ben was out on the deck, sunning himself as usual. I decided to go out the front door to get the mail. Ben heard the door, and instead of racing around the house barking and freaking out, he silently stepped off the deck, went to the side of the garage and slinked his way silently along the wall. Going between a small shed and the garage wall, he peeked around the corner, then carefully walked between the garage and the front of the truck. Never made a sound. When I noticed a movement out of the corner of my eye, I looked over and for a split second the looks on both our faces were priceless. His was in complete ancestral mode. Looking at me, actively thinking about what to do next. Me? I thought "Oh shit", LOL It didn't last longer than the blink of an eye, but it was there. Of course, he immediately knew it was me and came wagging and lumbering over to me with the "Hi mom" look on his face. But for that one moment, he was a force that, were I a burglar or other "bad guy", I would have resigned my fate to his will. I was so proud!!

The second incident happened last night. As we know, the neighbor's dogs have been coming to my yard at night. Just the other day they killed 3 of my hens. The won't come into the yard when Ben is out during the day. They know he sleeps inside at night. Last night it was well after dark when I let him out for the final time before bed. I did my usual routine of shutting down the computers, getting coffee ready for the morning, etc. I went to the back door to let him back in only to see him sitting on the top step looking west towards the neighbor's house. He wasn't tense with anticipation or excitement. He was still as a statue, ears up, and intent. He was waiting patiently. It was a beautiful site, for those of you that understand what I'm getting at. I stood at the door in awe at not only the site of him sitting there, but at his whole demeanor. I knew instantly that if one of those Labs were to even set a toe across the "line" (both parties know where the property line is) that they would be in trouble, BIG trouble. He was so calm, never wavering, and seemed to just know what to do. I think I stood there for a full 2 minutes watching him, and didn't see so much as a hair twitch. For me, it was so completely awesome, I don't even have the words.

I tell you all of this because I believe that no matter how badly we mess up a breed, that somewhere deep inside the ancient blood still flows. I see Mastiffs in the show ring....obese, and looking miserably dead in the brain. My boy comes from show lines, champion lines, in fact. But to me, seeing what the "champions" look like, I give that title no credit. For me, a champion is one that can do what he was bred to do, and be sound in body and mind while doing it. The old ways of selective breeding are gone. Ben's breeder said he was of poor quality, and should never be shown. I say he'd put all of his competitors to shame. Am I biased? Maybe. I say the next time you buy a dog, the first choice is to adopt from the shelter. If, for whatever reason you cannot do that, then find a breeder that isn't in it for the money. Doesn't have puppies living under the porch. And knows the history of his breed of choice. And you should do the same. Know what they were bred to do, not for today, but originally. Do your research and you won't be disappointed.

Well shit. That didn't go as planned. That stupid bitch calls at the last minute telling me "Well, I'm just bringing Royalty back, can you pay for the gas? I'll bring Tom back." Are you fucking kidding me??? UGH So she arrived and I was a cold hearted snob. I had Tom out and ready. She acted all happy and trying to be sweet. She got Royalty out, I took her and put her in the pasture, giving the bitch her halter back. I then got Tom, swapped halters, and handed him over. Not once did I acknowledge her. She loaded up Tom, I handed her $30 telling her she wiped out my account. She was all smiles "Oh, thats ok, I was thinking $40 but this is fine" WHATEVER you drunk bitch. She then proceeded to.....wait for it.....HUG ME!!!! Can you believe the audacity??? "Oh honey, it will be ok, I'll keep in touch." all I said was "Yep." and turned and walked away. I was in the pasture with Royalty before she even got in her truck. I didn't say anything else to her, didn't even look at her. Fuck her.

I typically don't wish ill on people. I won't use this as an exception. I WILL however leave it in the hands of Karma. She'll take care of things for me, and all I have to do is sit back and watch.

In the mean time I'm trying to sell Royalty. During that time, I'm going to try to ride her a bit more. I'll put a tight tie-down on her and hope she doesn't rear up on me. We'll see.

Things are just freakin weird around here anymore. Life is always feast or famine it seems, but what is up with people??? Why can't I just connect with NORMAL people? Instead I draw in drunks and psychos. That being said, lets get down to the facts....

The girl that swapped horses with me can't seem to make up her mind. "Oh, you keep him, I want you to be happy...." then the next day "I want him back...." and on and on. She got pissed because my FIL decided I couldn't use his truck and trailer. I have no control over my FIL, and if he chooses to change his mind (that is a whole other story) then I can't help that. So, when she first tells me "I can come get him no problem." (she wanted the horse in her son's senior pictures, wanted me to bring him to her)then gets pissed when I tell her I can't bring him and she refuses to come get him, then I get confused and frustrated. She's also pissed because I didn't crawl up her ass and hound her about the whole thing. Not my job. She's older than me but a severe alcoholic. She can't have a straight thought to save her. Anyway, I get a text message late last night saying she's sold Royalty, will bring me the money, and pick up her horse today. Um, ok, what the hell??? What brought this on? Because I wouldn't cater to your needs?? Because I can't go where you want me to at the drop of a hat??? Screw that.

The other issue is a woman I met through the attempted sale of Royalty a month or so ago. This girl is an animal control officer in Chicago, but has a farm with her boyfriend about an hour south of me. She rescues everything, and also has mules that she rides. She wanted me to come down last Sunday and ride her mules with her. Well, it came down to basically I didn't want to go, so I made some bullshit excuse and apologized for the fact that I couldn't make it. Haven't heard a word from her since. Oh well. I don't need that shit either.

On the lighter side, I met some people who have Belgian draft horses. They are really nice, and the father (an 81 year old farmer who's seen it all and done it all I do believe)really seems to like me. He had me ride one of the horses in a parade, and also had his son show me how do drive them with a plow. I had a blast!! It surely was a dream come true for me....just being around them was awesome. I was a little kid living out something I've wanted to do my whole life. The old man kept wishing out loud that I live closer. Saying if I did he'd give me a team to "play" with and learn with. I almost shed a tear! When we were leaving he hugged me, telling me to call him or come over to his farm any time I wanted. I'll see them again at the end of the month, I can't wait!

Bad Day

I would ask if this day could have gotten any worse, and I know my own answer would be YES. However, in the moment, and even the residual effects are still shitty.

I made the first mistake of telling my neighbor about wanting to fix up my FIL's old horse trailer. He in turn took it upon himself to tell my BIL who "approved" it. WHAT? Its not even HIS to approve! But I digress, that was 2 days ago. I say this though, to illustrate the fact that I'm a slow learner.

The second mistake was posting on FB that I was going to a horse auction. Why is this a mistake? Because, by opening my big mouth AGAIN, I caused today's events. See, I traded my mare for a gelding, with the agreement that I would also pay $600 on top of that. Ok, fine. I told the girl I didn't have the money, and it would be a slow pay. She said it was no problem, pay when I could, she just wanted the gelding in a good home. Ok, fine. So here we are 2 weeks later and I post about going to the auction. Suddenly she's messaging me wanting money. I didn't say I purchased anything, I just went. Anyway, since DH and I have been living on literally nothing for the last 3 weeks, I tell her that I might be able to give her some. Then I change my mind and tell her we can trade back horses. She says "Ok", and that was it. So I ask when she is coming to get him, and her reply was "I'm coming today". Now, in talking to her at a rodeo last night she said she was going riding all day today. Then I ask her "What time will you be here?" To which she responds "Well, I won't be there til tomorrow, we're going to a fair right now"....um WHAT??? First you're going on a ride, which you begged me to go on, then you say you're coming here, then, and only when I press you, you say you're going to a fair!!! What the fuck???? Can you not make up your mind? How about making up mine??? I should not have to ask for each bit of information.

So, here's the deal....

SUPPOSEDLY she is coming tomorrow to pick up the horse. Fine. BUT, supposedly, she also has a buyer for the mare. She tells me "she can pay you next week, is that ok?" I tell her thats fine, but "is she going to mail me the payment or what?" ....."Oh, ummm, I'll check and get back to you"....again, did you NOT THINK about this when you were rambling your drunk ass around the country??? Jeez, just typing about it raises my freakin blood pressure and gives me a headache!

There is other parts to this story, like how she blew me off last night yet wanted to chat this morning wondering "what was wrong?". But really, at this point, does it matter??? I have learned 2 lessons here

1) Keep your fucking mouth shut.

2) Stop being so trusting of people. Nobody is your friend, they're all out to screw you in some form or fashion. I refuse to be an option in anyone's life. I'm not a "friend of convenience" or a "last choice".

Who am I?

I swear, I write better blogs in my head before falling asleep than I do the next morning when I'm actually able to type them out. I had a great one last night, and will try to duplicate it here....

I've noticed that these last few years, and especially this one, that I've done a lot of inner thought. Here's what I've come up with so far....

I am human, with feelings and thoughts. I am not a religious person, not affiliated with any religious group. This does not devoid me of having the same thoughts and emotions of anyone else.

I am not afraid of doing things alone. I am content with my own company, but this doesn't mean I don't enjoy getting together with friends.

I am extremely sarcastic, most people confuse that with bitchiness. This, in turn, keeps me from having 'normal' friendships.

I am harsh. I shoot from the hip, and again, this keeps me from having the typical girlfriends that most women have.

I love taking a nap. I see no problem with a pause in the middle of the day to re-energize.

I am solar. I do way better on sunny days to get things done. But cloudy rainy days are good for naps!

I might be crazy, I might not be. Depends on who you ask.

I have eclectic taste in everything...music, food, activities, home decor, tv, and people. I love to ride my horse as much as a Harley. I like having my garden as much as I like eating a pizza.

I am hyper, and I am lazy.

I can drink a beer with friends as easily as I can drink a soda with my son.

I have no patience for people. Limited patience for animals. Although I have learned to slow down thanx to my farm.

I miss lots of things from my past, but look forward to events of my future.

I have no regrets.

I do not tolerate deceite, lies, conning, sneaking, and theft. I do not believe in taking advantage of family.

I am, at times, too trusting of people.

I do everything I can to help friends. I will give all I can, but usually get screwed.

I have many things I'd like to do, but don't forsee doing them.

I believe in past lives.

Some things I have a hard time letting go of.

I keep a lot of things deep inside.

I'm into weird, childish things like fantasy books and movies. I believe there is another world within ours that we are either kept from seeing or just refuse to acknowledge.

I am many things, and nothing at the same time.

No Sympathy

Big rant here.....

Last night I was watching Dateline NBC with Ann Cury. She was profiling poor families in America, and her team had been following several families for 9 months. I only felt any sympathy for 2 people on the whole show, and I'll tell you why.

One woman had quit a good job and moved herself and 4 kids into her parents' home to help take care of her father. In doing so, she was unable to find work after her father passed and thus lived in poverty in her mother's home. Ok, at first I thought "wow, sacrifice", that is until I saw her whip out a pack of Marlboro cigarettes. She'd been crying about how it was so hard to keep her kids fed, how they lived in filth because it was just so hard. This after they showed how her brother had lost his house and decided to bring his entire family to mom's house as well. Now, why in the hell would he do that? We're talking about a small 2 bedroom home. And its not like they tried to keep things clean, or help out. No, one woman (the daughter) did everything. Fourteen people living off of mom's social security check. Again, I thought about feeling sorry for them, until she was smoking and her sister in law was weighing in at well over 400lbs, sitting on the couch, dirty, slugging Pepsi out of a 2 liter bottle. Oh no, I don't feel sorry for any of them, except the kids who have no choice.

Another woman they profiled ran a food pantry. I did feel bad for her. She was trying to help so many people, and it just seemed they were taking advantage of the situation. Extremely obese people standing in line to get food, laughing and carrying on like they were at the grocery. In the final month when she thought the pantry would have to close she received a check from 2 people to help her out. Its sad she is doing a good thing for people who truly need her and she is getting taken advantage of. Seems thats how people in this country have decided to live....take advantage of those who try to help.

Another man, whom I did have sympathy for, had 2 sons. I believe the mother had basically walked out. Anyway, he was layed off from a job he'd had for 15 years and couldn't find work. He lost his house, and a neighbor allowed him to live in a run down house he had. All he had to do was pay utilities. HA! This man had no money, thus no utilities. He got his water from a creek and boiled it on a wood stove that was in the house. Being winter time, he would wake every 3 hours to keep the stove hot so his boys wouldn't be cold. They recycled cans, newspapers, bottles, etc. He flat out said "Even if I could find something in another state, I would go immediately go, but how would I get there?" He had makeshift beds for all of them, and bought food with the money he got from his recycled items. They had no TV, no cell phones, nothing. He's still out there with no job.

I can keep going.....but my point is this: Don't cry about being poor and live in a shack when you're wearing a gold chain around your neck, your kid has a cell phone, and your neighbor has a pool (inflatable or not. ) and you're watching TV while drinking soda. I don't care if you are living in a run down camper.

I've said it many, many times before. Things are going to hit the fan and soon....people like this will NOT survive, simply because they rely on handouts, instead of developing skills. I don't know much, but I'm working on it. I can grow food so my family doesn't starve. I know how to make do with nothing and not freeze to death or live in squalor.

I have no sympathy for people who refuse to try to help themselves.

Although not much is going on here at G Bar J Farms, I'm still busy. I took some veggies to the Farmer's Market and made $55, so I was happy about that, despite sitting in the rain through it all, ha! We also got a hog processed so I'm working on canning the meat from that. Its not hard at all, just time consuming.

In other news DH was looking around on the internet and found a beautiful Belgian draft horse team for sale. They are in Wisconsin :( but not out of the picture just yet. The owner is willing to do some trading for them, and I think I can accommodate him in that regard. First I need to sell the horse I have. Today might be the day....if not I'll probably take her to the sale barn. That would be at the first of Aug. I've got a friend that will help me with that. In fact, she wants to ride her today. I'll be taking the horse to her house which is about an hour up the road. She has a few other horses, and she's planning on us riding this afternoon. Not sure what will come of it all, but I'll at least get to ride with someone. :)

The draft team is multi-functional. They can plow, pull, and be ridden. They are 17.2 hands high (5ft 8in ) at the shoulder. Thats as tall as me just at the back!! WOO! I don't know though.....I have to be careful and not get too excited.

In other news, I've decided that the person that had Ben while I was gone turned him into a vegetarian. Sounds funny, but he'd rather eat green beans and tomatoes that a slab of meat. Can you believe it? I don't know what to do with him. I guess I should be glad he's at least eating his dog food.

The potbelly pigs have recovered from their castration. You wouldn't know there had ever been an issue. DH dug a small trench in their pen and lined it with a tarp. We filled it with water (its only about 4 inches deep) and presto! Piggy Pool!! They loved it so much they promptly peed and pooped in it, HA! Oh well, they play in it, put mud in it, and generally enjoy it, so I don't care. I need to change out the water, but thats no issue.

There has been more rain here. In the last 24 hours we received 4 inches of rain and of course that caused lots of flooding. Things here are swampy. Just when I thought we'd get a break, it looks like it will rain again today. *sigh*

On another topic I'm really enjoying my new found friendships. How great is it to not have to feel belittled all the time? Awsome!! To chat with someone who loves playing in the dirt, who isn't scared to have a good time, who isn't prissy, and who is secure enough in their faith that they aren't worried about mine??? Again, Awsome!! She is fine with her beliefs, and knows mine....she doesn't feel threatened, and I don't either. In her mind/heart, she believes in the Christian God, and doesn't feel that she has to prove anything, or gain "points" to get to heaven, nor does she feel that I make her "walk" difficult. As I said, she is very secure in her belief, and doesn't judge or dump people for not believing the same. Its great! I'm quite happy to have found her after all these years, and I really think this happened for a reason. People in my past are there for a reason, and as much as I wish I could keep the old memories and not have the now tainted ones, it was a lesson learned and as I've always said....Life Happens.

Just Rambling

No real story to tell, just rambling about the things going on here.

The 6 kits (baby bunnies) have all died. The strongest one died yesterday, and I believe he caught a cold from his mom. She's had a snotty nose since she got here, and he had the same thing when he died. I think mom might have to go as well, she is not getting better and I don't need her making the others sick.

New additions to the farm are 3 pot belly pigs. They were all boars when we got them, and since the DH castrated them they are now called 'barrows'. I had no idea until he told me. Speaking of DH, he found a job! He's hauling livestock and seems to be liking it...as much as anyone can enjoy working.

The chickens are getting more and more brave these days. They are so used to getting food from me that they follow me around like a pack of dogs. Its gotten to where I have to literally wade through them just to get across the yard. The Guinea keets (chicks)are getting big and really stretching their wings.

The garden is doing fair. The tomatoes are really getting going, and the corn is coming around as well. The weeds are doing better! I'm still getting a fair amount of green beans, and plan on taking those and some tomatoes to Farmer's Market.

Yesterday was the hottest day on record. I don't know what the world is doing as far as Mother Nature is concerned, but its definitely raising a ruccus . We've had rain more this year than in the past, tornadoes and earthquakes all over the world. Crazy hot and cold spots, typhoons, hurricanes, etc. On top of all that, the human element has got things going from bad to worse, and now we're finding out about hidden agendas withing the governments. I swear every day that goes by I see more and more and wonder when it will all collapse. I just hope we're ready.

Other things in my life.....as you all know I had a complete falling out with a friend from high school. I don't regret that at all, as it was a learning experience for me of how people change, and what life and what a corrupt religion will do to a person. But Karma has a way of doing things, and that person has since been replaced by someone whom I never spoke to in high school, but seem to have a lot in common with. She is down to earth, honest, and from what I'm seeing so far, will prove to be a way better friend than the other person ever was. There's no competition, or need to be in charge. She's not the type to have to always be right, or always be better, she is who she is and she's happy with life. She enjoys her family, a good beer, being outside, and camo! LOL We have way more in common that we ever knew, and I think a lot of that has to do with how our lives have gone over the last 20 years. In a nutshell, I'm happy we're chatting and getting to know each other. Sadly, we live over 1,000 miles apart, so I'm still stuck sitting here alone. But its better than no friends at all. And I'll ALWAYS have my best friend, no matter how far away he is.

I think there has been a breakthrough!

As most of you know, I've recently (within the last couple of months) got my Mastiff, Ben back. For the first few weeks, he had a pooping problem, but that remedied itself once I got him on a regular feeding schedule. After he got 'straightened out', he began not eating. I am a stickler for a feeding schedule with all my animals, so when he wouldn't eat at his scheduled time, I would leave it out, simply because I didn't want him getting sick. He would sometimes eat but many times wait til supper time. So, after consulting with my best friend/fellow dog handler, we decided to start giving him a time limit. So far it seems to have worked, as now he eats as soon as I put it down for him. So ok, that is hopefully solved.

The other issue I had was his brain being mush. When he left here he was a social, yet semi-independent dog, with a great physical presence. Upon his return, (he was neutered while gone) his skin hangs on him, he has little energy, is clingy, and seems to have no brain. Its as if he had little stimulation while gone, so we're having to start over. I told the DH last night, we're going to start at the beginning. Basically square one, as if he was a puppy and just start over. We'll see how that goes.

And finally, the good news....I've been working with him around my livestock, mainly my chickens. It only took one day to get him to understand that the goat was not food, but the chickens are a different story. I've been tieing him out when I let the chickens out to free range, but I've been slowly introducing him to the flock. He does remember the "leave it" command, and each time we go outside I've kept him close to my side. We've been walking through them, and I've been making him sit and stay while they wandered close by. Yesterday he walked, unattended yet supervised, from the deck to the garden, (about 100 feet) through the flock and didn't miss a beat. He really did great! This morning was even better. While I was doing all of the chores (feeding, watering, changing rabbit bedding, etc) he was wandering around as usual. He went up on the deck (he does this to tell me he's done with his 'business') and so I decided to let the chickens out. While I was tieing out the goat, Ben decided to lay down with his head on the top step. As I approached the deck, I noticed the chickens gathered around the bottom of the stairs, but especially one chicken on the step just below the top step. It was pacing back and forth in front of Ben, and he just laid there, as if watching a parade. I was so proud!

I'm not throwing all of my trust in him, he will still be supervised while outside, but this is an awsome breakthrough for him. I'm hopeful!

In other news, DH has got a couple of job leads, one driving a truck cross country, the other is more recent....working for a trucking company but driving local. He would be working nights, taking a truck to St. Louis and getting it loaded (and doing a few other dock work chores) then bringing that same truck back for the day shift guy to take and deliver what DH loaded. He would work a 12 hour shift, get paid by the mile to drive down and back, then get paid by the hour for his dock time. He would work Monday - Friday, weekends off, and home every day. I don't like the night shift thing, but its a job and a paycheck I can actually count on. A steady check and I'll see the same amount each week, allowing me to actually budget and save. That alone is worth it.

Things here have been hectic. After my son's visit, which makes me realize how different his world is from mine, I really got after the garden. Things have finally been dry enough for me to get out there and get work done. One of our rabbits, whom we were hoping was pregnant, wasn't. We are now watching another one who is "supposed" to be preg. Should be next week when she kindles. The other 2 that we thought were preg I don't think are. So, we'll see what happens. I've got several broody hens, but I'm pulling the eggs because I don't think our roo is really doing his job, lol. On a good note, the keets are growing nicely! They are testing their wings and the hens are keeping an eye on them.

Ok, now for bad news. DH is unemployed. He applied for a different trucking job, and they called and said "Ok, come up to Ft. Dodge and we'll put you through 4 days of orientation, then you'll get your rig and drive home"....so he quit his old job and I drove him the 4 hours to the office. Two days later he calls to tell me to come get him....WHAT??? Seems this isn't an orientation, but a PRE-SCREENING!!! Seriously? Oh yeah, he had to go through a series of tests, and he was passing with flying colors until it came to the sleep study. They sent him to his motel room with a breathing monitor and told him to wear it to bed. We knew he had sleep apnea, and sure enough, he failed this test. This completely disqualified him, unless of course, he spends a serious amount of $$$ on a sleep study. We're talking over $1,000. Needless to say, he was pissed. They also told him that his optimal weight for his height was 189 pounds....are you kidding me????

So anyway, he is now on the hunt for a job. A few prospects, but nothing confirmed yet. *sigh*

In other news the garden is doing well. I'm trying my hand at drying seeds to replant next year. If I can get that skill down then I won't have to ever buy seeds again. Peas are done, green beans are coming in nicely, and I'll be digging the last of the potatoes probably today. Then the long tomato season will be here, and my days will be spent hovering over the canner and strainer. How many different ways can I prepare a tomato? LOL I also need to get to work on more deer jerky, make and can some soup (using more deer meat), and hopefully get some rabbits raised for butchering. I also need to get this damn horse sold. I'm hoping to have a buyer. This woman is into mules, and needs a good broodmare, which is exactly what Royalty is good for. She is impossible to ride anymore, even for a seasoned rider. So I'll hopefully find out this weekend if they want her or not.

Nothing else really going on here, so I'll just say hope everyone is having a good year...its half over already!!!!

So I was sitting here watching the news, and thinking about the homeless shelters not only for street people but for young mothers. This led me to wondering, why are we donating tons of food that will be gone in a matter of months? Why can't we donate seeds, soil, fertilizer, and land and teach them how to grow their own? Why not have a working farm, where homeless folks can live, build, and tend the land? They live in a large dorm type setting, so why not convert a farm house into the same ordeal? Have a huge barn, like back in the day, with animals to care for, and land to plow. They can grow their own food, raise their own meat/eggs, and actually contribute to their own well being? They could learn to preserve what they harvest, sell their excess, and be productive. They could have a site manager who would ensure they keep the buildings in good condition, the animals fed, and the equipment running. Could this even work????

Ok, so I'm a spoiled brat sometimes. But I think people should stick to their word, and when they don't I get pouty.

See, today was a family gathering (again) and last week my MIL had said "If you go get the DSS, I will take him back." Ok, agreed. Well, it just so happened that the other grandparents of my stepson were in Dubuque already, and said they would bring him back with them. Sweet! So he arrived, albeit late, on Sat. evening. Ok, thats fine, less stress for me. Anyway, I find out last night that the MIL has decided that she just can't take him home as she had said, "I think I'll just be too busy"...um, shit. The last thing I want to do on a Sunday is make that 6 hour round trip drive. Its boring and I don't like it. Not to mention we'd already had an agreement. It is not my fault my end was covered by his other grandparents. Yes, I should be the good stepmom and take him home, but hey, a deal is a deal.

So today, as the time drew closer, I got more and more pouty. I sulked, I sighed, and I openly admitted to the DH and one of the SILs that I wasn't happy. I admitted to my inner 5 year old taking over and pouting horribly. So my DH said "I bet I can get mom to take him back if I put them up in a hotel".....of course I didn't argue but encouraged. Five minutes later he came back and said "No worries, she'll take him, I'm booking a room now"......he has enough hotel points that he could do it for free. WOOHOO!! So I got my bratty ass out of that stupid drive. *happy dance happy dance*

In other news, I also went today with a bitch in my heart. Yep, since one of my SILs had decided to completely ignore me (she is the one who is the wife of the BIL who had a fit about the horse) at a nephew's birthday party, I went to this gathering determined to play this game and be a bitch right back. Well, it worked, she was following me around and finally sat beside me in the grass under a tree and talked. We didn't talk about the past, we just chatted about other things,.....things we used to talk about before all this shit went down. I'll admit it was nice, but I didn't trust her with any information. I didn't fall for the "I'll be your best friend" tactic she was trying to pull. I chatted, gave her just enough info to keep her baited, and now she's texting me and thinks all is right with the world. Well, between her and the other SIL, I'll let them both think I'm that stupid. Karma, in the end, will prevail and I'll be smiling. I do my good deeds, and their games will bite them in the ass in the end.

Anyway, enough bullshit. I'm playing Wii with my son, enjoying the time, and just chillin out.

Hope all the dads out there had a great Father's Day :-D

As we all know my life can go from 0 to overdrive in less than a day. Lately its been no different.

This past Sunday I picked up my son, and it seems we've been on the go ever since. I had purchased tickets for Steamboat Days so I can take him to see Zach Brown Band. We were supposed to also see Billy Currington on Tuesday. We got there and after getting our seats and a hot dog, it started to rain....then pour. We tried to sit it out, but he looked at me and said "Mom, lets go, we can go home and watch a movie." Great kid, right? So we ate soggy hot dogs and fries on the ride home, and of course it cleared up after we left. He didn't seem to mind.

Yesterday we played Wii and cleaned house, then went to the woods to try our hand at building an outdoor kitchen. It turned out well but I noticed my son is lazy. He lives with his dad in a subdivision and has no clue about life outside the pavement. I asked him "Have you done dishes at home?" his answer was "Yeah, I put them in the dishwasher and press Start"....ugh. So there was a lesson in hand-washing dishes properly. After watching me take clean ones out of the drying rack, he asked me "Mom, where do they go when I get done rinsing them off?" DUH, right where I just took the clean ones out of! He had no idea. When we were in the woods I told him to mix me up some mud....you'd have thought his hands were fragile. He acted as if it was a problem, and did the whole thing half-assed. When I would make him hold something, or try to show him how to tie a knot, he would sigh as if he was bored out of his brain. He won't do anything by himself unless its watching movies. If I'm beating him at a Wii game, he just quits and goes to watch a movie. But if he is winning, he wants to play all day. He has no desire to actually practice to get better, he just stops and pouts. I've been trying to encourage him to practice things, and get involved with projects, but hell, he acted as if picking peas in the garden was a complete hassle. He's killing me!

I've got another week with him, and plan on seeing a movie or 2. He loves the horse, but if I get her out, he'll only mess with her if I do, and again, then its only half-assed. I show him time and again how to brush her, and its a lost cause. Same for the dog...he had no clue how to scrub him. Anyway, if I had more time, or if he was in my custody, this would be rectified, or it would never be an issue.

Now his dad is another issue. He's been very deceitful about things lately, and I'm not sure why. We've always been on the same page with things, but it seems he's siding now with my family. Yep, the bitch that gave birth to me, and her daughter. The ex has decided to not only befriend them but also allowing my son to hang with them. He also has chosen not to tell me about it. HELLO! ITS MY FREAKIN RELATIVES WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!! Why would you not tell me? And why would you not consult me on this decision? They are freaking criminals!!! I sent him an email explaining my feelings, and I'm sure it will do one of 2 things.....it will either make him stop and think about his choices, or cause him to get pissed off and cut my visitation, or have me put in jail for being behind in my child support payments. All I can do is hope its the former. I wish I had joint custody. I don't quite know how to go about it, and damn sure don't have the money for a lawyer and court fees, but bet your ass if I could file for it I would.

In other news, Royalty seems to be getting worse about her attitude. So I've got a friend's son coming out sometime this weekend to ride her and see what I need to do to get her brattiness adjusted.

Beyond that, I don't have much else. Its horribly humid, which means I just don't want to be outside, which means the garden is getting out of control. I just need to suck it up and work on it. I wouldn't mind it but there is no breeze so the flies are horrible.

Anyway, hope you all are having a great summer...or winter, depending on where you are! :D

Misc. bullshit is the topic for today. I really have nothing exciting to blog about, but then again, do I ever?

Yesterday I spent all morning on my hands and knees crawling through the 6,000ft garden pulling weeds. I should be out there this morning again to run the mini-tiller but I'm just not in the mood. So instead, I've opted to clean house and do some general pick up. DH and I are going to pick up my son on Sunday, so I really need to get things in order here. Not that he cares, he's 11 for crying out loud, but his allergies can get bad and I need to make sure a majority of the dust and dog hair is cleaned up.

In other news, DH applied for a local job. He would be working in a warehouse running a forklift and also delivering orders. Its for a fertilizer company here, and hell, it can't pay any worse than his trucking job he has now. Not to mention he'd be home every night, weekends off (usually), and better hours. Obviously there would be room for advancement. He goes for an interview on Monday.

The past 2 Monday's I've been taking Friendship Bread to the Farmer's Market, and have NOT done well at all. I was going to try to take some veggies to sell this Monday, but have decided just to forgo the whole thing and just put up what I harvest. Yesterday I canned 2 pints of peas. Not a lot, but its the start of the season. Soon the green beans will be ready, as well as the tomatoes and potatoes. I'll have my days filled then with canning it all.

I have decided to sell my horse. She is too 'barn sour' to do anything with. I took her out to the very far end of the pasture and started working with her stops. She wanted to go back to the barn so bad she threw several tantrums. Rearing up more times than I can count, prancing, head throwing, etc. I just can't have a horse like that. I've also sworn off mares. Geldings only for me, thank you very much.

I'm hoping that one of my meat rabbits is pregnant. Yes, I said meat rabbit. I will be raising rabbits for food, so no reason to get all "cute fuzzy bunny" on me. As I've ranted before, things are going to go downhill fast before long, and we'd all better have food and skills or we'll die. I was thinking I should let one of my broody hens go ahead and hatch out some eggs, just to replenish the stock. I need to run that past the DH and get his thoughts.

We are still looking for land. We want some with both timber and clear ground, in equal parts, and evidently its a rarity.

I turned 39 this past Sunday....and really, unlike many people I know, I don't get depressed at my age. What I mean is, I know some people who are obsessed with coloring their hair to hide the grey, wearing loads of make-up and using creams, lotions, and potions to get rid of wrinkles. Not me, I say let 'er rip! I'm not dyeing my hair, I'm letting the grey just go crazy. I don't wear makeup any more, nor do I have a nightly ritual of wrinkle preventors. I view them all as well earned badges of life, signs of wisdom and knowledge, and could really care less what anyone has to say about it all. After many trips around the world serving my country, having a kid, and not to mention putting up with everyone else's bullshit, I can do what I please and don't need anyone's approval or judgement for that matter.

I guess thats all the rambling I have for today. I think I'll crank up some tunes and get after this place. I feel the need to purge it , but have nowhere to take the crap to at the moment. I'd really like to have a yard sale, but not sure when that will come to pass.

So, off I go. Hope everyone has a good day.

After spending most of the morning...ok, for me, it was most, I was out from 0730-1000.....driving from yard sale to yard sale, I finally got groceries and made it home. I then found myself sitting here on the couch, wondering what to do! I should have worked on the quilt, but didn't. I should have bathed the dog, but didn't. I should have done some cleaning, but didn't. Instead, I snacked around, watched some TV, and napped on the couch. LAZY!!

After my nap I felt a bit motivated, so I did the dishes, and went to the garden. I initially started out to just pick some peas, but found myself on my hands and knees pulling weeds around the beans. I should have kept going and worked around the tomatoes, but decided to call it a day. During my breaks (it was hot!) I had my goat out, changed out water for the chickens and goat, and brought out my horse to tether and graze. Once my weeding was done, I put the horse back out to pasture, the goat back in her pen, and brought the dog inside. Good timing, I must say, since it started a light rain just as I stepped inside!

A nice shower and some good homegrown eggs with sausage and I'm good to go. Now to chill out and relax. DH will be home tonight, sometime. Might do some yard saleing tomorrow, but will go to a nephew's birthday party tomorrow night. Sunday I'll spend baking bread for the Farmer's Market on Monday afternoon. Also on Monday, the farrier will be here to trim and shoe my girl. I can't wait, maybe then we can get some good riding in..woot!

When SHTF

Look around people, if you don't believe me, just look around. Its not a matter of IF but WHEN Shit Hits The Fan. I am hoping for a later time, but the arrows are pointing to this year. I don't just mean the economy of the USA. I'm talking Mother Nature as well. Still don't believe me? Just Google 'earthquakes' or any other natural disaster around the world. Sink holes are everywhere, earthquakes that the news doesn't tell you about, extreme temps in places around the world.

I hope some of you wake up and take a look at whats going on. I sure have, and let me tell ya, I may not be ready for any given situation (nobody can be prepared for that) but I'll have the skills and supplies to get by for 6months to a year. After that? My skills will get me through. Will yours? Can you live without your Blackberry? Your laptop? Your SUV? How far can you get in your high heels or Italian leather loafers? Well that Coach purse help you? How about that Armani suit? Laugh at my lifestyle now, but I'll be laughing in the end. I have no problem peeing outside, not showering for 3 or more days, and eating wild game/plants.......do you???

Went to my stepson's graduation yesterday. I was so relieved that he actually received his diploma! He did so poorly in school, it was a real hit and miss when it came to graduating. The really screwed up part was that his own mother didn't even bother to show up on time, ended up standing in the back, and didn't get any pictures. Pretty fucking sad. On top of all that, we get to their house for the "party" afterward, and its a damn filthy pit. trash on the floor, dog hair (chunks of it from their huskies) on every piece of furniture, every inch of floor. Supposedly, his mom had "spent all morning cooking" and it still wasn't ready. Ok, there was NOTHING that required all morning cooking. The only real cooking that was done was on the grill, burgers and hot dogs. The rest was finger food. The bad part of that was the fact that she didn't wash any of it. I had some of the veggies, and they were horrible, tasting like the chemicals it was packed in. Then, I stood in horror as I watched her smash trash down in a bag, then grab a ziploc of watermelon and with the same trashy hand get it out of the bag and put it on a tray. BLECK!!!

Now lets talk about the in-laws. Sadly we all rode together for the 3 hour drive up and back. The ride up wasn't bad, but the ride back was unbelievable. My MIL was trying to extract info about my niece and her "love life", and then she started on my dear cousin, who is gay.

"I just feel so sorry for him"......WTF??? DH asked "Why? What is there to feel sorry about?".....she sighed, contemplated her answer and then replied "Well, you know, he's just going to have a hard life."......I said "Just because he is gay, doesn't mean his life is hard. He is doing great, and is loving his life.".....FIL said "Well, he has a good enough personality I think he'll be fine.".....then, out of the blue, MIL asked "Is he permiscuous?"...EXCUSE ME???? Seriously?? First I wanted to ask why she cared, then I decided I'd just keep my mouth shut. All I said was "He is happy being single, so no, he doesn't have a boyfriend." I put a lot of emphasis on "boyfriend" and that seemed to shut everyone up. She is so narrow minded, and it drives me nuts. All she says is "I pray everyday that he gets over this phase".....PHASE?? Really? OMFG are you kidding me??? HA!! Oh, I feel sad for all the narrow minded people out there. I really do, because not only are they making themselves look completely ignorant, they are missing out on so many good people and good things. Truly sad.

I could go on and on about my stepson's horrible living conditions, and my in-law's narrowmindedness. But I'll end here.

Thank you to all the Veterans both past and present for their service. Its because of your efforts that we still enjoy our freedom today. Thank you.

Last night proved to be interesting. DH has a trucker friend who is as redneck as they come. Great guy, a little goes a long way, but all in all a cool guy. Anyway, DH had been talking to him about me and Royalty(horse)......this guy was raised around horses, broke more than I can count, and knows his shit. Anyway, the guy came out last night to look at her and talk to me. I admit, I had to put my pride on the back burner, not because I know more than he does...not by a long shot...but because some things he was talking about and 'teaching' me, I already knew. I know he wasn't doing it to insult me, on the contrary, he was trying to be thorough. So I listened and watched intently as he worked the horse, telling me what he was doing and why, as well as why her reactions were what they were.

I learned about "personal space", which is hard for me because I like my animals to be close and affectionate. But evidently you really don't want a horse to crowd you, which on the safety side I can totally understand. I also learned what I was doing wrong when getting on and off, as well as where I should be sitting vs where I had been sitting. Now, this all sounds silly, and maybe even some people might ask "Didn't you have horses as a kid? Don't you know what you're doing?" Yes and no. First, its been 20 years since I've owned or been on a horse. Second, my horses were different. They didn't have voice commands, or even leg pressure cues. I rode bareback alot, and sat up close to the withers....this is evidently not where I should be, lol.

Anyway, I was given a few things to work on with her, and he might be out this evening to watch me ride, so he can correct me again! Ah well, I want this horse to be good, so I'll take the lessons where I can get them. I'd like for my son to be able to get on/off with me, and ride with me as well, so I better get my shit together!

On another and final note....allergies are still horrible, but I've purchase several different meds so something has to give. Its like they work for about 30min-1hr, then I have problems again. I've doubled up the dosage, and that seems to make it more tolerable, but I still just can't wait for this part of the season to pass.

Where to start today's blog? Well, lets see...

My allergies are kicking my ass. The ditches around here haven't been mowed (typically the BIL's job), and that grass along with the pasture grass is going to seed, which means I have to stay inside until it dissipates. That sucks.

DH came home last night, and is still home waiting on dispatch to call and tell him where he'll be going next. That sucks, too, because sitting here doesn't make us a dime. In the meantime, he put up some more hot wire and expanded the pasture for Royalty a bit. Some of the grass adjacent to her pasture has grown up and gone to seed as well, and she needs to get in there and eat it down. So her and Bonnie the goat are working on it. He also raked up a shitload of mown grass so Royalty can have some when she gets the other eaten down. I went out and helped, but it made my allergies worse, plus walking in that tall grass for some reason got my legs to itching bad (I was wearing shorts). So, I had to come inside and wash. ugh. I feel bad sitting in here, but I can't go out. I have a big red blister on the end of my nose from blowing so much.

I've currently got a loaf of bread rising in the oven. It still has 20 minutes on this rise, I punch it down and let it rise again for another hour, then bake for 40. I could be working on the quilt, but I'm not ready yet. I'd like to stop sneezing before working around needles.

Oh, and I found out something this morning......if anyone recalls, the girl who claimed to be my best friend basically ditched me because, as she said "You don't have the same belief in God that I do, so I can't be your friend". Well, now she is telling people that I dumped HER because I didn't like the fact that she believed in God. Really? That's crazy, since I supported her beliefs, listened when she spoke about church and Sunday school, etc. I never once condemned her for it, never once told her she was stupid, crazy, or a fanatic. I never said a word. Why would I? Its not my place to tell her these things, and who am I to judge her? So, here we are, another person, claiming to be a "Christian", not only using their religion as an excuse, but hiding behind it as well. Fucking hypocrites. Just like DH's sister. Claiming to be all about "Christian" and god and whatever. The whole time judging him for something he did over 25 years ago. Holding that over him, being fake to his face, claiming one thing and doing another. Same as every other "God fearing" person. Hell, (haha) even the Bible contradicts itself. But thats another rant.

So what else? Well, we're still on the hunt for land. We'd really like to find one with some sort of building on it. Something to provide temporary shelter until we get the cob house built. We need to find it fast, as we want to be outta here by the end of July. Will it happen? No idea, but I'm hoping.

In other news, sometime around 12 June I should have kits. What are kits? Baby bunnies. Rabbits don't have litters, they "kindle" and their babies are called kits. My son will be here on 13 June, staying for 2 weeks. Maybe he'll get to see the kits.

I guess thats all for now. Time to go punch the bread......

Get a life....

Its so funny....there are some people who have chosen to detach themselves from me simply because I don't hold the same belief system they do. This particular person has stated in their own blog that I was corrupting them, even though religion was never discussed. I was making them question their relationship with god even though I never said a word about it, and actually applauded them, supported them and their kids, with any church function they participated in. I respected their beliefs, and let them live their life how it was suited to them.

This person decided that I was too high maintenance, or too emotional, or whatever to be my friend. Despite the constant battles with depression this person supposedly has, they accused ME of being a problem. This person constantly ignored me, blew me off, and some days would flat out not speak to me. There was always an excuse "headache, kids, housework, etc" Whatever.

Anyway, we have mutual friends on FB. No biggie. But lately I have noticed that this person seems to be "following" me. By this I mean, I'll comment on a friend's post, and within 24 hours this person is commenting. I wouldn't care, but this person has RARELY, if at all, posted on these friends' posts in the past. Suddenly, in the past 2 weeks, they are posting everywhere I post, and throwing in snide, hidden comments such as "Oh, we'll have to hook up for a girls' weekend"......ok, YOU'VE NEVER CARED BEFORE ABOUT THIS PERSON!! YOU NEVER POSTED BEFORE, NEVER WANTED TO CONTACT THEM FOR A GIRLS' WEEKEND....NEVER. ugh this is the most childish fucking thing ever. I swear, I feel like I'm being stalked. Never before was this person on FB so much as they are now. WTF??

Anyway, I don't know if they read this or not, but just in case they do here is my message:

GET A FUCKING LIFE. STOP POSTING WHERE EVER I POST. STOP WITH THE BULLSHIT OF RUBBING THINGS IN MY FACE. STOP BEING A PSYCHO BITCH AND GET A FUCKING LIFE!!! LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!!

Making progress

Today was another good riding day. I've been working with her to make her stand still while I get on. Its getting better every day. Today was a shorter ride than yesterday, but I don't want to do too much since she hasn't been ridden much in the past. I also want to get front shoes on her before we get too crazy.

In other news, I got the old chicken coop cleaned out, and some sewing done. Bad news is for some reason my sewing machine decided to go stupid on me and not only continuously break my thread, but also break 3 needles. I don't know what the hell was going on, but it was pissing me off. I only have a small amount left to do on a handbag, so to see it sitting there unfinished is torking me off.

Despite the sewing machine, we all had a nice day outside. The weather was perfect, and Bonnie spent all day with Ben outside. She even helped me in the old coop. I wish I would have had a camera rolling when she decided to try to jump THROUGH the chicken wire wall. I almost peed my pants laughing. Too funny!!

Anyway, that about covers it. Nothing terribly exciting. Supposed to get more rain tonight, which sucks because we really don't need it. However by Saturday it should be in the 80's which will be great for my tomatoes! So, until I have more exciting news......

Good ride

After the spaztick episode day before yesterday with Royalty, I didn't ride yesterday. Today was too beautiful to pass up, so I got her out. Talk about a completely different horse! She stood still while I brushed her down, fell asleep while I was saddling her, and was so complacent with the bit I had to wake her up to get it in her mouth! Getting on wasn't NEAR the rodeo it usually is, and she went right to the road and did great. I was going to just take her for a 1 mile round trip. But she was doing so well I decided to take her "around the block", which is about 4 miles. She did great!! Very relaxed, going along with no problems. We were having a great time! Until.....

....until we got to the neighbor's house, where her stud "boyfriend" lives. OMG she freaked out. She wanted to go up the driveway so bad, and got pissed when I wouldn't let her. So, in retaliation, she reared up on me. Not once, not twice, but THREE times!! The 3rd time she came up so high I thought we were both going over backwards. So I just got off of her before we both got hurt and walked her home. She did fine, but its a lesson.....don't go that way!! LOL

I think the problems I had the other day had to do with the weather. It wasn't just Royalty freaking out, but the neighbor's horses, and even an experienced rider nearby got thrown. He is in the hospital with a broken pelvis and punctured kidney...peeing blood. I say weather because that evening a super-cell storm moved in, and it was major lightning, and about 2 inches of rain. I think the barometric pressure was affecting the animals. She was a completely mellowed out animal today.

Today was a good ride.

Ok, so here I am again. Things here on the farm seem to be on hold, with all the freakin rain. The garden is flooded, and I'm sure I'll have to re-plant many seeds. My poor goat and chickens seem to be wading up to their "parts" just to get around, Ben can't go out and come back in without looking like he just swam the Nile, and my horse is up to her ankles. I'm just glad she can get in the barn (the stall is higher) where there is dry straw for her to stand on. It at least gives her feet a break.

In other news I'm working on making purses/bags out of my old jeans. They don't take long to make, and although I've seen similar types sell for $20, I'm selling mine for $5. I've got a couple orders already, so I'm happy.

As for the family issues, its become obvious that since things were said, nothing will be the same. I went to a graduation party last night and you'd have thought I had the plague. I made everyone uncomfortable, and when the initial offending group walked in, I promptly walked out. I have no use for bratty 36 year old men who think that they can control my life. I could go on and on about my feelings with this person and the whole situation, but I won't. My happiness is when I go out each day to the spot of pasture where MY horse is. I smile, knowing that my facts and the truth won out. He should know by now not to play games with me....I will win.

Life is unbelievable

So much is happening right now, and the problem is I can't really talk about it. I can, but sure as shit it will come back on me. I'll just say that my in-laws are unbelievable. What posseses people to side with one sibling, or go against one child, with the entire family ganging up on that person, is beyond me. And how that one child, a grown man, can actually contact an entire town to get them to turn is even crazier. I refuse to be a part of this, and so does the DH. He's fed up, and is seeing the true colors of his family. He is seeing how they are all hypocrits. They claim to be God fearing Christians, but they have so far lived up to my opinion of all "Christians". Forgive and Forget is nowhere in their vocabulary, they hold grudges against each other from events that occured over 20 years ago, when there were outside influences, and for the last 20+ years they've been a hive of liars. The parents can't agree as to what is right, and everything for the last 35 years has been geared toward the youngest of the 4 getting everything in the estate. All land, buildings, farm equipment, etc. Its a fucking nightmare. So, until the dust settles, I'll have to just keep my mouth shut.

In other news, I'm not getting Emmett. The idiot that had the litter never let them around the mom except to nurse twice a day. He then weaned them at 4 weeks, and keeps mom away. They've got more worms than they should, and I refuse to support such a person.

I also got a horse. Her name is Royalty, and she is a 14 year old black/white paint. She is very spirited, and we both have learning to do about each other.

Anyway, for the moment, thats all I've got. So maybe at the end of the week I can discuss the bullshit going on here.

He's back!

Benjamin is back! After roaming the yard, checking out Bonnie the goat, and the chickens, and the shed, and the fence, and the mailbox, and the burn pile, and the flowers, and the water hydrant.......he's now happily sleeping on the couch! Just like old times.....love you Snugga-Bear!!!

A horrible week....

....and its only Wednesday!! This week started out with DH getting screwed on a load issue, so his miles will be low. Then I noticed my 5 week old buckling goat was bloated, and had to wait all day for the vet to show up. That night he was doing better, but the next day he wasn't up to his normal self. Tuesday night he didn't want to eat, and this morning I found he had died in the night. *sigh* I know its part of owning animals, and especially young livestock, but I have to say I cried. I buried him near where I had the Schnauzers buried, by the garden. The messed up part is that Clyde was such a sweetie. He loved to lay in my lap and sleep, or just stand by me and hang out. He loved to snuggle, and would put his nose in my neck and relax.

I hope to find another buckling this weekend, one that is already weaned. Bonnie, the doeling is almost weaned herself, so it would be a good match.

In other news, a bright note......a friend of mine whom I gave my mastiff Ben to 2 years ago has offered him back to me. I'd love to have my snugga-bear back!! I'm excited!! I've missed him soooo much!

Beyond that, I'm working on the quilt...still. Its all laid out on the living room floor, which I admit is not a good place for it, but I need to have the pieces laid out so I can see what I'm doing. I figure I'll need a dozen or so more strips to get it done. Its been slow going as most days I just look at it and say "um, no, not today". Today however, I NEED to be motivated to work on it. The garden is doing its thing, the animals are taken care of, and I've got nothing else going on at the moment. I'm sure I could find a thousand things to do besides the quilt, but I need to make some progress on it. If nothing else I need to get the pieces ironed out. ugh. I think my problem is that the sun is shinning and I'd love to be outside. Usually I save the 'inside chores' for rainy days, but then when those arrive, I just want to be lazy on the couch! So, I have to get my ass in gear and get to working on it. When its done, it will be 120" x 120"......possibly an inch or 3 bigger all around, once the edging is done. Big enough to cover a king bed with no problems!

And finally, another rant about the 'goings on' around the world. Lets see, we've got volcanoes in Iceland, rain in the Arctic, glaciers breaking up, oil in the Gulf, flooding in the southeast, and earthquakes daily that nobody seems to feel the need to report. On top of that, there is a rogue satallite in space threatening to take out 5 communication sattelites ....these cover the airlines. Go figure. I'm telling you, something is going down.....just look around and actually READ the news, all of it.....

Horrible events

I just wanted to say that this oil issue off the coast of Louisiana really bothers me. The fact that 42,000 gallons PER DAY of oil is spewing into the ocean is atrocious. Whats worse is that they aren't able to do a thing about it....or so they say. Makes me sick....in the meantime the president is running around being social. The wet lands of LA and the Gulf Coast are going to be ruined, and if you ask me its another government scheme to imprison the people of the US. Making things irreplaceable, and putting us in a situation of being more dependent on the government.

Well, not me. I can do without the seafood, and although I find it extremely horrible that this is happening, I'm not going to be goaded into believing it was an accident or that there is nothing they can do about it. I'm not getting sucked into their ploy to make me depend on them for my every need. I can and will be dependent on myself and the land I live on.

Its coming folks, believe it.

Its been awhile

Ok, yeah, its been ages since I wrote. Lots of things have happened, and so far it seems to be for the good.

DH and I have decided to work things out. You read that right. After all of my bitching, ranting, raving, yelling, crying, cussing, stomping, and even leaving for a month, we've decided to work on things. I came back here to the farm to await word on a job. We had time to have some good talks, and even a few yelling matches. But we got it all out, and have decided to start fresh.

I know I've neglected many of my readers (I say that as if I have a plethera) and for that I apologize....wait, no I don't. I was taking care of me, something I haven't done in a long time. I'm not sorry about that.

So now, I have 2 goats, 3 rabbits, 4 chickens, and in June I'll have a new puppy. He'll be a brindle Mastiff and his name is Emmett (after the awsomely strong yet sweet vamp in Twilight). I'm currently tending a 6,000 square foot garden, and am looking for more farm animals. We have plans for building a root cellar, re-doing the kitchen and downstairs bath to make room for a wood burning stove. We found one that will be able to heat the entire house (its 2,500 sq. ft) so thats a good thing. I'd like to learn to spin wool to sell, and have plans to take loads of garden stuff to Farmer's Market.

So there it is in a nutshell. I'm currently working (slowly) on a quilt using blue jeans that no longer fit us anymore. The ones we don't use or cut up will be donated to the Salvation Army.

Thats all I've got for the moment.

Changing

Since my last post, I have changed. Changed locations, and changed mental status. I am currently in New Mexico, and as for my mental change, I've come to some new conclusions about myself.

I've finally come to terms with the fact that I should never really be in a relationship. And I will NEVER EVER get married again.,.,...EVER. I suck at it and don't want the pressure, or the hassle. I'm much better alone, or just with the occasional friend or 2.

DH are splitting, and as hard as it is, the hard ass in me has walled it all up inside. I've built that fortress and nothing will get through. I've put those feelings away in a box on a shelf in a dark place, and maybe one day I'll drag them out to look at them. For now, its all business. I'm not ready to deal with them yet.

And during all of this, I'm finding I'm being judged on my actions. People whom I thought would stand by me, aren't. Well, they were until I explained my situation and now they've left me hanging. *sigh* Just because I don't do things according to their views or values, or because I seem so 'rebelious' in the way I deal with things, doesn't make me any less of a person. Doesn't mean I'm going to hell (personally don't think it even exists, but thats another rant), and certainly doesn't make me less of a friend. But hey, in a personal crisis is when you find out who your friends are, and boy am I surprised. But hey, if thats the game they want to play, so be it. I don't need that type of "friendship". Fuck that.

Life shouldn't be so hard

Marriage shouldn't be hard. It takes work, yes, but it should not be a hassle. It should not be a constant battle, or worry. You shouldn't have to worry about walking on eggshells, or think that every decission is hurting the other's feelings. Or maybe I shouldn't be married to a man who is constantly upset. I don't want to go to the store, he's upset.....I don't want him to go on a walk with me, he's upset. ugh, I'm so tired of it all. I'm so tired of being married to a baby. I'm tired of being married to a nit picky, self pittying, insecure, mama's boy. I'm tired of staying around with someone who won't listen, or whom I feel responsible for if they die. I don't want that guilt. I feel responsible for every emotion, and it wears me out. There is no independence of either of us. I feel opressed, really. I feel controlled. I hate it. But he's flat out said to me....."If I lose you I'll kill myself". ugh, not cool.

More on another day.

Testing

Testing my blog feature on my DROID

Testing

Testing my blog feature on my DROID

Crazy things here at work.....we still aren't sure if we're keeping this territory. The wife of the cancer guy called and said "Send everything back, except..." and she named one item. Why?? Why not that one item? Well, too bad, I'm sending that, too. Its a fragile item, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be responsible for it any longer than I have to.

They haven't found a Dr. to treat him yet, but he is out of the hospital, just not fit to work. She is taking 1 week off per month, milking the insurance and paycheck. I'm sorry but I am a realist. If I had a rare form of terminal cancer that only 1 in 1 million has, the last thing I'd be doing is working. I'd tell my spouse "c'mon, I don't know how long I've got so lets live it up!" Not "You keep working, I'll keep praying"......NO. Yet, she keeps thinking 'all will be right with the world" ....she is in denial.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not condemming the guy to a death sentence. But I am a realist. I don't wish ill on him, and its not admitting defeat.....its knowing when to accept what is, and go on.

So there it is.....there might be one couple that is working the east coast that would want this territory, and if they do, thats fine. I won't complain. I've got a year and 9 months left at this job, I'm just hoping it goes fast.

Why do some men have to be so stupid? Why can't they just let things be? Why must it all be full of drama? BAH! "bad hormone day" means "Leave me the fuck alone!" DUH!!

I've decided that there are some things, and some people, in my life that I just HATE. You may say hate is a strong word, but so is LOVE yet we throw that one around like its nothing. So yes, there are things and people out there I hate. End of story.

Some things....

Some things you can blog about, and others you can't. I'm at the "I can't" point. I have so much on my brain, so much emotion, yet I can't say a word about it. Why? This is a public blog. I know too many people who 'drop in' from time to time who would not understand my thoughts, or my emotions. Some would even tell others, and chaos would ensue. This I cannot have. If things are going to happen, it will be because Fate and Karma will it to be so.

So, forgive me fellow bloggers if I do not post for awhile, or if my posts seem lackluster and boring. I've just got so much swirling around, I need to be the bear that I am and hybernate.

El Paso, TX

So here I am in El Paso, TX. I've been here 1 day. I hope it gets better! I guess the crazy thing is seeing the border fence as I drive along I-10. Seeing Juarez, Mexico just on the other side is interesting. As I drive along and look at the houses across the fence and wonder how many are just shelter for those attempting to cross. I know many have permanent residents, but some are so run down that it seems almost impossible for them to be anything but a stop over.

I'm hoping to explore this city a bit more. There seems to be a lot of culture, several museums and art galleries. I'd like to see the prettier part, if one exists. We are currently staying in a hotel downtown, but I swear it seems like the seedier part. Lots of congestion, buildings crammed on top of one another, and people everywhere.

Of course a topic I shouldn't discuss is the language issue. I don't care if Mexico is 100 yards away across the fence, you are now in America, learn English. 'Nuff said.

So as I find out more fun facts here in El Paso, I'll be sure to post them here.

Tombstone, AZ

This past weekend we visited Tombstone, AZ. I had always wanted to visit this historic town, and it was a bitter sweet trip. Let me explain:

This town has tons of history, and even more potential. And it also has its fair share of issues. Lets start with the good. There are plenty of shops, and fun locals walking around in period (1880's) attire. There are stagecoach rides, gunfights, horseback riders, outlaws, and other neat tours. If you are just passing through for the day, its a fun stop. However, if you are really looking for authenticity, or a real entertaining time, you'll be disappointed.

Most of the shops are the same....jewelry, postcards, and leather goods. There are about 2 or 3 shops that offer period clothing.....bring plenty of cash as a jacket can run upwards of $300, and a dress about the same. This isn't counting the shirts for the guys, pants, boots (cheapest was about $150 for the pair), and a hat. Plus the vest, spurs, and any other accessories. For the women, its not just the dress. Its the stockings, corsett, pettycoats, boots, hat, jewelry, gloves, fan, purse, etc. As I said, its cashy. Then you have the typical tourist shops with 'junk'....crappy souveniers, postcards, magnets, and what they claim to be 'authentic' Native American jewelry. However while chatting with a merchant, she swore to me that the wolf was NOT a symbol of the American Indian. Um, whatever. It just happens to be one of the major symbols, but who am I?

This town is corrupt. It has a ver horrible Mayor, who doesn't want the town to survive. What it needs is someone to come in and inspire the people to not only work together but to clean up the town. The houses and yards are trashy. Nobody seems to care, and its as if they don't realize their own potential. My thought is, if you don't want tourists wandering by your house, then don't live in a historic town. Don't get me wrong.....there is a load of historic value to be gleened from Tombstone. You just need to ignore the repetitiveness and the filth.

2012....Part 2

Ok, so I'm not in a panic by any means. Heck, anyone that knows me knows that I like to be prepared.

I've been running various scenarios through my head, "what if's", to make sure I've got what I need. I'm not hoarding things, nor am I really "stocking up"....not yet at least.

I look at it this way......I've been given the opportunity to travel the country for a living. This gives me access to many things I wouldn't normally have were I staying at home. Thus, I am taking full advantage. I've been going to military swap meets (the last one landing me the 'motherload' of stuff), surplus stores, flea markets, etc. I'm gathering all of this stuff in order not only to be prepared shout Shit Hit The Fan (SHTF), but if it doesn't, I'm fully prepared by Jan 2012 to be self sufficient. My dream of living off of what I produce and not the government will finally be a reality. So there it is......whether it does or doesn't, I'm prepared.

As we all know I've been wanting to live off grid, be SS, and basically tell society to fuck off. I'm using this job to do that. Getting all my ducks in a row is a lot easier when you have a steady income, and the opportunities to find what you need. I've made project lists, inventory lists, and am currently amassing as many books as I can on being not only self sufficient (SS) but also living off grid, or, in a worst case scenario, should SHTF in a major catastrophe sort of way, I can survive. I'll know how to live off of the wilds of the land until I get my feet back under me. Hunting, trapping, gathering, shelter building, etc. Again, not saying it will happen, but if there is one thing I've learned.....the more skills you have, the better you are.

2012?

There has been so much hype about 2012....

"end of the World!"

"enviromental catastrophy!"

"Apocolypse!"

So what will happen? No idea. The ancient astronomers say it will be a solar flare of sorts. What will that do? No idea, I haven't researched it enough. What do I think? I think I need to be prepared for anything.

I've had many thoughts and discussions about being more self sufficient. I've also had discussions with The Handler as to our plans should any major catastrophy occur. We've had those plans in place for many, many years. So what about the NOW? What if its not something like you see in the movies? What if its just a financial/economical collapse? How will I be prepared?

My first and foremost want is to be completely self reliant. If the electricity goes out, I won't be affected. If the water gets shut off, I won't be affected. If the grocery stores get looted bare, I won't be affected. I want to be growing my own food, producing my own power, and not relying on Big Brother. So what does this mean?

It means every chance I get, when I'm home, I'll be working on preparations. Digging the well, building the windmill or solar panels, getting animal pens ready, etc. Am I in a panic? Nope. I just believe in being well prepared. Plus, this just expedites my plans for being SS and quiting this job. Its not that I don't like it, I just want to do things for myself. I want to be home digging in the dirt, and cleaning up after my animals.

One day shit will hit the fan, and this country, or even the world, will collapse. I'll be ready.

Wild Wild West

Ok, so once again I've been a slacker in blogging....but give me a break on this one, I've been busy in the new territory.

Our first week started us in Lubbock, TX for 2 days. I will say that it started out great. No crappy accents, so fake bullshit, nice weather, and nice people. We left there and headed to Albuquerque, NM for one day. It truely wasn't bad, except for one idiot. Of course, there is always one, but I didn't expect him to surface so soon. Yep, the first stupid comment of the year goes as follows (keep in mind we give hearing tests):

"You should give this test in sign language so people can get a better score"

WHAT THE HELL???? I don't think he thought about what he was saying when it came out of his mouth....but then again, maybe that is his mentality. Who knows, but that is by far, the dumbest thing I've heard since starting this job. Hell, I think its the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life.

After New Mexico, we landed here in Arizona. Kingman, to be exact. We'll be here through Wednesday morning, then we'll head to the Phoenix area. We'll stay here in AZ through the 2nd week in Feb. It will be great missing the hellish winter we were going to be subject to had we not been sent to this territory. I am a happy camper!

We still aren't sure how long we'll have this territory. The man side of the team that was here had a 7lb cancerous tumor removed from his abdomen. Its such a rare form of cancer, that he has to be treated at a completely different hospital than the one he is in. The problem is he can't be moved until this huge incision heals, and that is projected to be at least a month. As for treatment.....nobody seems to know if they can cure him or not. He is 62, and his mother died of cancer at the age of 65. We don't know if they can cure him, or how long it will take. This means we don't know when or if they will be back to work or not. So until then, we work around all of their things that were left in the truck.

As I said, we are in Kingman. Located in the north-west corner of AZ, its close to the Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, and California. Its also home of the heart of Route 66, the Mother Road of the USA. The original cross-country highway, starting in Chicago, IL and going all the way to California. And until the interstate was built in 1952, it was the only way to get between the 2 places. Talk about a road trip! Hubs and I have always wanted to travel this historical highway, and we really want to do it on a Harley. But for now, we'll see what we can at the cost of our company...hee hee. Today, we decided to take a portion of this highway from Kingman to Oatman. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oatman,_Arizona If you are inclined to read the article from this link, you'll see that the town was named after a daughter of a man from La Harpe, IL. My house is in La Harpe, IL. My husband and his family have been residents of LaHarpe, IL for 3 generations, at least. So I found it both awe inspiring and a certain connection to this little mining town. How crazy is it that we visited????

Tomorrow we are going to an indoor archery range for about an hour, then after that I'm not sure. Is Martin Luther King, Jr Day, so many places will be closed.

Beyond that, I have nothing else to report, so I'll leave you to read about Oatman, AZ