Life shouldn't be so hard

Marriage shouldn't be hard. It takes work, yes, but it should not be a hassle. It should not be a constant battle, or worry. You shouldn't have to worry about walking on eggshells, or think that every decission is hurting the other's feelings. Or maybe I shouldn't be married to a man who is constantly upset. I don't want to go to the store, he's upset.....I don't want him to go on a walk with me, he's upset. ugh, I'm so tired of it all. I'm so tired of being married to a baby. I'm tired of being married to a nit picky, self pittying, insecure, mama's boy. I'm tired of staying around with someone who won't listen, or whom I feel responsible for if they die. I don't want that guilt. I feel responsible for every emotion, and it wears me out. There is no independence of either of us. I feel opressed, really. I feel controlled. I hate it. But he's flat out said to me....."If I lose you I'll kill myself". ugh, not cool.

More on another day.

Testing

Testing my blog feature on my DROID

Testing

Testing my blog feature on my DROID

Crazy things here at work.....we still aren't sure if we're keeping this territory. The wife of the cancer guy called and said "Send everything back, except..." and she named one item. Why?? Why not that one item? Well, too bad, I'm sending that, too. Its a fragile item, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be responsible for it any longer than I have to.

They haven't found a Dr. to treat him yet, but he is out of the hospital, just not fit to work. She is taking 1 week off per month, milking the insurance and paycheck. I'm sorry but I am a realist. If I had a rare form of terminal cancer that only 1 in 1 million has, the last thing I'd be doing is working. I'd tell my spouse "c'mon, I don't know how long I've got so lets live it up!" Not "You keep working, I'll keep praying"......NO. Yet, she keeps thinking 'all will be right with the world" ....she is in denial.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not condemming the guy to a death sentence. But I am a realist. I don't wish ill on him, and its not admitting defeat.....its knowing when to accept what is, and go on.

So there it is.....there might be one couple that is working the east coast that would want this territory, and if they do, thats fine. I won't complain. I've got a year and 9 months left at this job, I'm just hoping it goes fast.

Why do some men have to be so stupid? Why can't they just let things be? Why must it all be full of drama? BAH! "bad hormone day" means "Leave me the fuck alone!" DUH!!

I've decided that there are some things, and some people, in my life that I just HATE. You may say hate is a strong word, but so is LOVE yet we throw that one around like its nothing. So yes, there are things and people out there I hate. End of story.

Some things....

Some things you can blog about, and others you can't. I'm at the "I can't" point. I have so much on my brain, so much emotion, yet I can't say a word about it. Why? This is a public blog. I know too many people who 'drop in' from time to time who would not understand my thoughts, or my emotions. Some would even tell others, and chaos would ensue. This I cannot have. If things are going to happen, it will be because Fate and Karma will it to be so.

So, forgive me fellow bloggers if I do not post for awhile, or if my posts seem lackluster and boring. I've just got so much swirling around, I need to be the bear that I am and hybernate.

El Paso, TX

So here I am in El Paso, TX. I've been here 1 day. I hope it gets better! I guess the crazy thing is seeing the border fence as I drive along I-10. Seeing Juarez, Mexico just on the other side is interesting. As I drive along and look at the houses across the fence and wonder how many are just shelter for those attempting to cross. I know many have permanent residents, but some are so run down that it seems almost impossible for them to be anything but a stop over.

I'm hoping to explore this city a bit more. There seems to be a lot of culture, several museums and art galleries. I'd like to see the prettier part, if one exists. We are currently staying in a hotel downtown, but I swear it seems like the seedier part. Lots of congestion, buildings crammed on top of one another, and people everywhere.

Of course a topic I shouldn't discuss is the language issue. I don't care if Mexico is 100 yards away across the fence, you are now in America, learn English. 'Nuff said.

So as I find out more fun facts here in El Paso, I'll be sure to post them here.

Tombstone, AZ

This past weekend we visited Tombstone, AZ. I had always wanted to visit this historic town, and it was a bitter sweet trip. Let me explain:

This town has tons of history, and even more potential. And it also has its fair share of issues. Lets start with the good. There are plenty of shops, and fun locals walking around in period (1880's) attire. There are stagecoach rides, gunfights, horseback riders, outlaws, and other neat tours. If you are just passing through for the day, its a fun stop. However, if you are really looking for authenticity, or a real entertaining time, you'll be disappointed.

Most of the shops are the same....jewelry, postcards, and leather goods. There are about 2 or 3 shops that offer period clothing.....bring plenty of cash as a jacket can run upwards of $300, and a dress about the same. This isn't counting the shirts for the guys, pants, boots (cheapest was about $150 for the pair), and a hat. Plus the vest, spurs, and any other accessories. For the women, its not just the dress. Its the stockings, corsett, pettycoats, boots, hat, jewelry, gloves, fan, purse, etc. As I said, its cashy. Then you have the typical tourist shops with 'junk'....crappy souveniers, postcards, magnets, and what they claim to be 'authentic' Native American jewelry. However while chatting with a merchant, she swore to me that the wolf was NOT a symbol of the American Indian. Um, whatever. It just happens to be one of the major symbols, but who am I?

This town is corrupt. It has a ver horrible Mayor, who doesn't want the town to survive. What it needs is someone to come in and inspire the people to not only work together but to clean up the town. The houses and yards are trashy. Nobody seems to care, and its as if they don't realize their own potential. My thought is, if you don't want tourists wandering by your house, then don't live in a historic town. Don't get me wrong.....there is a load of historic value to be gleened from Tombstone. You just need to ignore the repetitiveness and the filth.

2012....Part 2

Ok, so I'm not in a panic by any means. Heck, anyone that knows me knows that I like to be prepared.

I've been running various scenarios through my head, "what if's", to make sure I've got what I need. I'm not hoarding things, nor am I really "stocking up"....not yet at least.

I look at it this way......I've been given the opportunity to travel the country for a living. This gives me access to many things I wouldn't normally have were I staying at home. Thus, I am taking full advantage. I've been going to military swap meets (the last one landing me the 'motherload' of stuff), surplus stores, flea markets, etc. I'm gathering all of this stuff in order not only to be prepared shout Shit Hit The Fan (SHTF), but if it doesn't, I'm fully prepared by Jan 2012 to be self sufficient. My dream of living off of what I produce and not the government will finally be a reality. So there it is......whether it does or doesn't, I'm prepared.

As we all know I've been wanting to live off grid, be SS, and basically tell society to fuck off. I'm using this job to do that. Getting all my ducks in a row is a lot easier when you have a steady income, and the opportunities to find what you need. I've made project lists, inventory lists, and am currently amassing as many books as I can on being not only self sufficient (SS) but also living off grid, or, in a worst case scenario, should SHTF in a major catastrophe sort of way, I can survive. I'll know how to live off of the wilds of the land until I get my feet back under me. Hunting, trapping, gathering, shelter building, etc. Again, not saying it will happen, but if there is one thing I've learned.....the more skills you have, the better you are.