WARNING: This post gets weird and a bit intense!

Yes, I've blogged twice today, (I think) but I'm sitting in the motel in Ft. Meyers, FL and keep thinking of things. I should really keep a notebook of my thoughts, then I can put them all into one entry and be done.

Anyway, I was looking at our schedule for the next week or so, and it looks like after testing in the morning (done by 0930) we travel 130 miles back up to Tampa. After testing for 1 1/2hrs there, its off to Winter Haven, then on Wed afternoon we head to Orlando, bouncing between there and Tampa for the next 2 days. We'll finally be hanging in the Orlando area (and surrounding towns) until 9 April, at which time we'll be in Daytona. But after the Easter holiday, we'll be headed for Georgia.

I have also been throwing around the idea on whether to blog about another issue in my life. Its a pretty serious one, and in my mind, its over. However, it may explain to some people who read this mess to understand my behavior, although its not by any means an excuse.

Lets go back in time about 2 years....

My sister moved to IL, about an hour from where I live. She moved there from NC. I have my ideas as to why, but thats another issue in and of itself. Anyway, DH and I bent over backwards to help her in her transition, even going so far as to build her a new set of steps from her 2nd floor outside entrance down to her back patio. Within that first year, I get a phone call from the woman who gave birth to me, saying "We were planning to come an visit you, and it just so happens to be the same year that your sister is there. Its not what it looks like." um, riiiight. So the entire 5 years I've lived here, you just NOW decide to visit? hhmmm....ok whatever. So she visits my sister, staying in a motel close to her, only dropping into my neck of the woods one day out of 7. No problem, I know what the whole point of the visit anyway, so no biggie.

The following year, she says "We are coming out again to visit"...ask me if I care. So they show up, but wait til the 2nd day to call me "Will we get to see you this week?" ....my reply was "Nope, I'm busy all week." She slammed the phone and I didn't hear from her for the rest of the month of July, all the way to late Feb of this year (thats 8 months, including Christmas) when she decided to call to say she hoped the DH was ok after his heart attack.

Lets digress even further back in time....

We are talking about a woman who watched as her husband kicked, punched, slapped, and otherwise beat her child (me). A woman who would watch for me to 'mess up' and then tell my father so he would beat me. A woman who not only chose to be married to an abusive man, but also chose to have not one but TWO children with this man. Yet somehow the second child was never touched. For 16 years of my life, I was fed to the wolf, and taught that I could not trust her. Anything I said was repeated. There was no 'mother/daughter bond'.

I have read extensively about a child's..no, and infant's intuition. Infants know when a person around them, such as a relative, does not like them, or isn't comfortable with them. This intuition embeds that persons scent, and face into that infant's head, making it impossible for that infant to be comfortable around that person even as they grow up. I firmly believe this is what happened with me and 'her'. Every picture of me as an infant is of me on her lap, crying....no, screaming. As I grew up, the pictures never showed me with her. Always by myself. However, the infant to child pics of my sister show the complete opposite.

Time moves on, and her mother dies. Gram had written in her Will that my sister and I were to get the entire inheritance, period. Well, you can imagine how pissed she was. The screwy part is that she knew this BEFORE Gram died, and proceeded to excicute her plot to get her share. There is more to this part, but I won't go into it here.

So lets go forward to Feb, 09. She decides after 8 months of nothing, she is going to start forwarding me emails about god, calling every weekend and leaving messages on my phone. I obviously refused to answer. Why should I? Now I know I'm leaving a lot of details out, but you get the general idea. I don't have the time nor the space to give out every gory detail. And you don't have the time to read it.

Two weeks ago, she decided since I wasn't answering her phone calls that she would email me a letter explaining how Gram was a bad mother to her because "she never took me to church". WHAT???? Are you kidding me? WTF???? She also proceeded to tell me that the DH was influencing my thoughts about her, and how I need to go with my heart, and not what 'outside influences' are telling me. Um, NO. DH has nothing to do with this, hell it started before I was even of age to marry!!! ROFLMFAO

After about 3 days of mulling it over, I had the time and most of the forethought to sit down and type out a reply. I feel better after telling her everything (well, most of it) that I knew, and my thoughts about her that I'd been harboring for well over 30 years. How I knew she'd been using me from the day I was born. The things I had seen and known about that she thought she was keeping secret from me. Everything. That was last week. I hadn't heard a thing back, thank goodness, and I would like to think that the line "all communication between us is over" might have actually been followed. Although I did recieve another "god" forward today. She's probably in denial of it all, thinking she is going to 'pray and save me'. She's always said I was posessed by the devil. LOL

Whatever. Anyway, I just wanted all of you out there to know that for now, the storm has passed. I feel refreshed and under less of a burden. I believe my mood has improved over the last week, and I look forward to better days ahead with less internal stress. Yes, its sad when something like this happens, but when there was nothing but hatred on both sides from the very, very beginning, then there really is no love lost, and therefore nothing to be sad about.

On another, happier note, DH and I had a nice, lazy day. We had a nice brunch, and even layed out by the pool for a couple of hours. I'm wanting to spend more time doing that...relaxing, working on my tan. So, here's to more time relaxing in FL!!