Do you all remember the story? Have any of you even read her story? Ok, let me give you a brief rundown....
Helen Keller was born blind and deaf back in the early 1800s. Her parents were wealthy, and were so distraught over her condition they let her get away with everything. SHe would throw temper tantrums when she didn't get what she wanted. She would get up from the table, and grab food from other people's plates, fling foot, spit, scream, etc. She was never made to do anything, and never diciplined.
One day they brought in a teacher for Helen. And although her name escapes me at the moment, she was great. She saw how they were treating Helen and decided she needed to learn respect. She took Helen out of the house, and they lived in a 'guest house' on the property. The teacher locked them in and commenced to teach her. In time, Helen realized she couldn't get away with being rude and unruly and began to behave and to learn. Eventually, they went 'home'. But Helen was smart. She knew she was home, and immediately reverted to her old behavior. Her parents refused to dicipline her, and the teacher was at her wits end. One day the revelation came to Helen and well, the rest is history.
Why am I telling you this? Because it is a bit similar to my previous post about my niece. Let me go on....
As I ranted before, she is a little hellion. However, 2 days ago she came to my house for a visit. What an angel! It was just her and I, and we planted ivy, fed/watered chickens, went for a walk, colored, ate lunch, and just hung out. There was no tv, no girly toys, no candy, no bribing, nothing. Just us. She did what she was told, and if I said "no", there was no arguement. She didn't act out to get my attention. If I was on the phone, she sat at the table with a book...ON HER OWN.
Then came yesterday. I went to her house to help her mom move some furniture around. Ahhh, the little devil was in full form. Trying to hurt her baby brother, doing the 'fake cry' to her mom, pouting, stomping, having to be bribed with candy just to put her shoes away. At no time did mom take serious action to get her to do anything, or stop her from things. I kept my mouth shut. Its not my house, not my kid, not my place. If she can't see the problem and continues to try to be a friend before being a mother, then she will suffer the consiquences. I am at my wits end, so to speak. Some may call it giving up, but here is my thought...if she behaves for me, that is all I ask. Its not my job to raise her, but if she can grasp even a small amount of dicipline, or morals from her visits to my house, then thats all I can ask. The hubby even asked mom "so, you don't have a problem spanking her if she acts out?" ......mom: "well, not if she truely deserves it, I mean if she is doing something wrong, I expect her to be corrected. So no, I guess not".....hhhmmmm.
Anyway, draw your own conclusions, but like I said, I am only the Aunt, and can only do so much.
4 comments:
I've been trying to post a comment for about a week now. My computer at home isn't working right and between my two jobs I have been too busy to do it at work. I had time yesterday put I forgot my password. I have it written down but it was at home. Let's talk about the chickens first. You sure do have a nice cock. (Bet you never thought you would hear that.) Now for the problem parent. I hate the term "Problem child". The child doesn't know any better. It is the parent’s job to teach her and it sounds like they have. They have taught her to be unruly. In about 14 or 15 years I will almost feel sorry for the parents. But it is their own fault if she turns out to be a juvenile delinquent. I know it is hard to do what you feel is right when the other person is in the family. I’m glad I’m not in your shoes.
Here is a true story. I have 2 aunts (actually I have more than that but they are the only one in the story.) Aunt #1 is visiting Aunt #2 when the daughter of Aunt #2 steals Aunt #1’s credit card from her purse. When Aunt #1 gets her credit card bill and figures out what happened she calls Aunt #2 and they have a little talk. Then Aunt #1 calls the cops and has her niece arrested. Aunt #2 wasn’t happy but she knew it would teach her daughter something that she couldn’t. It isn’t called “Tough Love” because it’s easy. I one of those people that is for the idea of making someone get a license before they can have a kid. I won’t get started on that topic right now and I’ll go back to being my normal laid back self.
The name of Helen Keller’s teacher was Annie Sullivan. We did the play The Miracle Worker in high school. I am glad to see that at least your niece has learned some boundaries. Even if those boundaries only exist at your house.
There is nothing more you can do hon, regarding your niece, simply because you're not her mother. Whilst with you, the little girl seems happy, content & well adjusted, whereas with her own mother, she's a little terrorist by the sounds of it. You'll probably always be the aunt the girl turns to for advice or help or love even & I'm sure she'll be grateful knowing (as she gets older) that you're there for her. As for the mother, well, she needs a solid wake up call, but until she admits her way of mothering isn't effective, than no one can help her.
the handler: I agree, I feel sorry for the parents to some extent. Funny thing, they were raised the same way. Both of them let to run rampant and looking to their parents as 'friends'. I just don't get it I guess. And boy aren't you just a font of information? lol...knowing that name, good boy!!! :)
Jayne: Thank you once again for your words of wisdom. I guess thats all I can hope for is that she can trust me, respect me, and know that I love her in a completely different way than her mother. I hope that when she is a teenager, she knows she can come to me and get the right advice. sigh....time will tell.
Never underestimate the impact you have on a childs life. My grandparents were the stability in my life. Without them I would be more of a trainwreck than I currently am.
Love can come in the form of discipline, rarely does it actually come in the form of candy!
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