Serious Delima..sigh

My heart hurts...I won't deny it. Call it age, call it getting "soft"...whatever, I don't care. But my heart hurts. Let me explain....

As most of you know, I have several nieces and nephews, so this could be any one of them...no names will be used. Anyway, there is one that is soon to be 4, and the sibling is 2 1/2 months old. I get asked for assistance on a regular basis from their mother, and am happy to oblige. However, we have different views on child rearing. I know, everybody does to some degree, but this is just killing me.

How many times do you tell a child to stop doing something before either giving up or making a feeble attempt at dicipline? Especially if the act of the child could involve them getting seriously injured? Or seriously injuring another child? "Stop standing on the back of the couch".."Please stop it...please..now come on, please stop"....."Stop jumping off the couch please...really, I don't want you to do that, please stop" blah blah blah...And the look of "F*ck you" on the child's face is appauling. The father is just as bad, and its unbelievable.

So knowing that, here is the story leading up to my delima.

I go with them (mom and 2 kids) out shopping the other day. The stroller is in the store with baby in it. The diaper bad (a monsterous thing) is hanging off of the handle of the stroller (it weighs more than baby) making it unstable...but who am I? Anyway, older sibling grabs the handle of the stroller, and it begins to tip backwards...mom grabs the stroller and says "Honey, you can't hang on that, it will make the stroller tip, and the baby could fall out." (she says this very soft and sweet)I continue to shop, and the child has the look of "Whatever". So we browse around, and I am standing by the stroller looking at clothes, the child walks up behind me (those eyes in the back of my head ya know) and then I see from my perifrial vision that child is grabbing the stroller...again. I turn around in time to catch it before it dumps baby out. The look on child's face? "sweet". So I get down in her face and tell her in a very quiet, yet angry voice while holding her arm "You DO NOT do that! That baby could fall out and get hurt! You WILL NOT grab that again!" What does child do? Yanks the arm out of my hand and hits me...with the look of complete hate on the face. So I grab her arm again, really hard I won't deny it, and tell her "You DO NOT HIT...Do you understand me? YOU DO NOT HIT ADULTS OR ANYONE!!!" Child was shocked, then pissed and walked away. BUT....Child then wanted to follow me around all day... "Aunt Jen, can I come with you?"

The day ends with no problems, even child crying and upset because I was going home..."I want Aunt Jen to stay with me! I want to go with Aunt Jen!"...Believe me, I am not bragging about this. It is common knowledge that children crave guidence and dicipline, they just don't know it. Child is acting out due to jealousy, lack of direction/dicipline and attention from parents. I'm no psychologist, but I know that much. You see it in dogs all the time. STRUCTURE PEOPLE!! Anyway, I come home and nothing else is said about it....until today. I get told that child told Grandpa about how I grabbed her arm. Mom didn't explain why to grandpa, or tell child that it was deserved. Nope, mom is letting child tell everyone she knows about how I am mean, and abusive. But that isn't the kicker....sit down folks, the next paragraph is a doozy....

I get told through Instant Message that "She told grandpa" and I said "Well, I'm sorry but the stroller was going down and it was instinct...plus she tried to hit me and I stopped her".....The response? "Well, she is tender-hearted and it suprised her...she knows I would do that, but not you."....WHAT????? Are you KIDDIN me??? Tender hearted??? All I could see was the many, many times that child had the look of contempt, hate, jealousy, and "what can I do to get attention and hurt people?" on her face. I was speachless. And in the same message mom asks me..."Can you come over here and babysit the 2 of them on Sat night?" OMFG I couldn't believe it. Lets go to another paragraph....

Ok, I'm going to digress and give my views of child rearing to you all....Structure and dicipline are key. Why do I sound so strict? I'm not really, but here's the deal....IT COULD SAVE THEIR LIFE ONE DAY....need I say more? If I tell my son to get off the couch, he does it without hesitation, question, or contempt. He knows I say it for a reason. If I tell him NO, he stops immediately, no questions asked. Do I offer explanaition? Sometimes, if I feel he doesn't understand the point. He is soon to be 9. When he was very young...not quite a year, he tried to hit me one time....he never tried again. I have hardly EVER had to swat his butt. He respects me, and my decisions. He knows that what I say goes, no matter what. He knows there is NO HITTING of anyone, unless it is self defense. Funny thing is, all of my In-Laws go on and on about how well behaved he has always been, even as a baby. They know that if they ask him to do something, he will do it without hesitation. He says Please and Thank You and Excuse Me. He doesn't interupt adults when they are talking, and he waits his turn. Am I biased? Maybe, but my step son who is now 16 used to be as unruly as they come...ADHD, etc. And what do the In-Laws say about him now? "Wow, he is so good, he is calm, and really acts like a gentleman. He talks to us, and is a nice kid"...YA THINK??? How the hell do you think he got that way??? NOT FROM ANYONE BUT ME He used to say "I hate you" but cry when he had to go home....He calls ME when he is sad, or has an issue. Am I bragging? Yes. Why? Because as parents society has let the child rule. Now we have kids getting pregnant, killing people, beating up their parents, KILLING their parents all because mom/dad said "NO" one time, and never diciplined them growing up. hhhmmm...kids bombing the schools because they are mad, confused, and lost. They weren't taught how to handle stress, anger, disappointment, and loss. We are raising a generation (or 3) of people who CAN'T HANDLE LIFE. Are you pissed at me yet? I don't care.

So here is my delima....do I babysit? Do I tell her "No, I can't, because I'm scared that if I tell your kid "NO" it will be broadcast all over town that I am a child abuser"...or "I can't because she doesn't listen to me, and if she gets hurt for not listening, like if she breaks her leg/arm/NECK it will be my fault"...Lets say I tell them that...the reprocusions are ENORMOUS. You have no idea what that would lead to within the family. It would mean disaster. I need a whole new blog to explain it. The DH is at a loss as well. Its his brother's kid for crying out loud. I guess I just don't have the testicular fortitude to tell them that their kid is a freakin brat, and I just can't live with myself if she gets hurt on my watch because they FAILED to dicipline her..

Example: In the store, child is in the shopping cart and proceeds to throw a screaming fit because mom wouldn't buy her certain shoes...mom snatches her up and says "You stop that right now!" ....Child starts to cry and mom then says "Oh honey, I'm so sorry, mommy won't do it again, just please don't scream in the store"...WTF???

My typing is done...I can't type anymore due to my severe rise in blood pressure just thinking of all this...comments are welcome, ideas, etc. I just don't know what to do. And by the way, mom wants me to go with her over the weekend at the end of the month to a seminar...to watch the baby...sigh